In these challenging times, when extreme views on gender dynamics sometimes emerge – such as certain radical Western feminists suggesting the elimination of men to address gender issues – some men have sought alternative solutions, including finding a wife from another culture, such as the Philippines.
Today, approximately 130 million people live in the Philippines. Additionally, around 25 million Filipinos reside abroad. About half of them are women, who generally do not take offense at being identified by their gender.
Given the vast number of Filipino women and the rich diversity within their society, it is impossible to define a single archetype of a ”Filipino wife.” Further complicating this notion is the Philippines’ highly heterogeneous and multicultural society, which turns the concept of a “Filipino wife” into a mosaic of unique and multifaceted identities.
The stereotypes surrounding Filipino wives are like proverbs: they rarely apply to one’s own spouse but seem to apply to everyone else’s spouse. In real life, the archetype of the ”Filipino wife” exists only in prejudiced notions and search engine algorithms.
The land of opportunity
If we consider the statistical reality, where the concept of a Filipino wife is defined only by three attributes – being a Filipino citizen, a woman, and married – these characteristics alone are insufficient to create a meaningful generalization. Additional context and nuances must be considered to paint a fuller picture. Stereotypes about Filipino wives often include also assumptions about how a Western man and a Filipina came to marry and the motivations behind their union.
Today, the most common narrative involves a Western man meeting a Filipina on a dating site, leading to a long-distance relationship. Eventually, he visits the Philippines a few times to meet his prospective bride and her family.
In many cases, the couple has limited knowledge of one another, comes from vastly different cultural backgrounds, and may not share a strong common language. Typically, they marry hastily in the Philippines and later move to a Western country to build a life together.
The Filipina wife often comes from a modest background, with limited access to higher education and fewer opportunities to accumulate savings. As a result, the couple’s financial stability initially depends heavily on the Western spouse.
This dynamic can resemble a traditional marriage of convenience, where both parties gain something they might not easily find in their home countries. However, in such unions, love and practicality are not mutually exclusive. The Western “either-or” mindset does not deeply resonate in Filipino culture, where seemingly contradictory elements – like love and pragmatism – can coexist harmoniously.
Because this ”common story” is often used to characterize Western-Filipino marriages, it has shaped a generalized and stereotypical image of the Filipina wife. However, this image is narrow, prejudiced, and misleading. It reflects more about the circumstances and motives behind the marriage than about the individual woman or her qualities as a wife.
When masks fall
When discussing Filipino wives, the conversation often revolves around comparisons with wives from other countries, relying on equally superficial generalizations. In such discussions, insufficient attention is given to the importance of the wife’s personality, character, and background. Over time, the significance of personality and character traits grows in a relationship, while the impact of cultural background diminishes.
Although Filipino wives may share certain customs, perceptions, and cultural traits, personal characteristics ultimately determine how these are expressed in daily life. A wife’s original culture and background are like candy wrappers that initially catch our attention, but when the wrapper is removed, the real person – the one with whom you share everyday life – is revealed.
Every Filipino wife is shaped by her cultural background, which influences her behaviors and values. Marrying a foreigner and relocating abroad does not erase these influences entirely. In intercultural marriages, no matter how much compromise is made, neither spouse can fully escape their personal and cultural norms, customs, and expectations about marriage.
The same holds true for Western men who marry Filipino women – cultural norms and traditions persist. You may believe you are an exception, but an honest look in the mirror will reveal a Western man with his own ingrained ideas and traditions about marriage staring back at you.
Sugar and honey
Based on my experience, the following culturally oriented traits can be observed to varying degrees in almost every Filipina, regardless of her background. While these traits may manifest differently in each individual, the following common characteristics can reasonably be expected from a ”Filipino wife”:
- Emphasis on Traditional Gender Roles
Filipino wives often value traditional gender roles and may have a different perspective on equality in relationships compared to their Western counterparts. They tend to approach household responsibilities collaboratively, dividing tasks based on individual strengths and abilities rather than focusing on an equal division of labor by quantity or time.
- Strong Family Orientation
A Filipino wife is usually highly family-oriented and may need time to adjust to the more individualistic Western nuclear family model. Her concept of family is often more inclusive, viewing it as a large, interconnected network rather than just a union of two individuals, as is common in modern Western traditions.
- Financial Support Within the FamilyFilipino wives who move abroad often maintain the cultural expectation of financial support for family and extended relatives. This can be a sensitive and potentially contentious issue unless clear agreements are established on how to manage and navigate these responsibilities as a couple.
- Strong Work Ethic and Resilience
Coming from a non-welfare state, many Filipinos possess a strong work ethic and a deep sense of responsibility toward family. Filipino wives are often hardworking and industrious, traits that reflect their determination to secure a better future for themselves and their loved ones.
- Connection to Religion
Religion often plays a more significant role in the lives of Filipinos compared to their secular Western counterparts. While Filipino wives may have varying degrees of religiosity, they typically do not expect the same level of religious commitment from their spouse. However, they value passing on aspects of their religious heritage and customs to their children, even while living abroad.
- Emotional Warmth and Social Consideration
Finally, the most obvious and defining common trait of Filipino wives – they are emotional, warm-hearted, and socially attentive. For many Western men, these traits are exactly the elixir they crave and are charmed by Filipino women.
Vinegar and onion
Western men often find themselves vulnerable in the company of emotional and warm-hearted Filipino women. For Filipino women, such behavior is largely rooted in their cultural and customary norms and does not necessarily reflect their individual underlying character. Upon getting to know someone better, however, you might discover negative traits, such as bitterness, jealousy, or a generally pessimistic attitude. Marrying such a person could feel akin to stepping into a hidden landmine.
Some wives may face challenges in understanding and adapting to the Western way of life, particularly its materialistic aspects. Some have a strong desire to show how their marriage has ”Westernized” them overnight and how they have experienced the miracle of social ascension. This tendency is often more pronounced among women from less educated and modest backgrounds.
I’ve occasionally heard claims that Filipino wives who move to Western countries are ”gold diggers,” seeking financial security and a higher standard of living through marriage to Western men. While it is true that such individuals exist, this behavior is not unique to Filipino women; opportunistic tendencies can be found across cultures worldwide.
There are many educated and culturally sophisticated women in the Philippines. However, the majority face lives shaped by the constraints of their socio-economic circumstances. Despite all the wife virtues that culture brings with it, such a background does not provide a very broad worldview and knowledge base. The greater the disparity in socio-economic background, education, and life experiences between spouses, the more difficult it can be to find common ground and shared interests for a lifelong partnership.
Moreover, a shared language is critical for marital happiness. Without effective communication, language barriers can place significant strain on a relationship. For a marriage to thrive, at least one common language is essential, enabling both partners to share deeper thoughts and emotions, fostering mutual understanding and a strong emotional connection.
Spice Islands of marriage
Citizenship alone does not guarantee a happy marriage. To build a successful relationship, it is essential to see and value your spouse as a person, not merely as a ”Filipino wife.” The success of a long-term marriage ultimately depends on the personalities, individual characteristics, and mutual commitment of both partners – just as it does in any relationship.
While perfection may be an unattainable ideal, finding a good wife among the millions of Filipino women can feel like achieving the impossible. If you have found a truly good Filipino wife for you, you will notice how different married life is compared to life with a Western wife.
Cultural differences can add layers of complexity to a marriage. The ’spices’ these differences bring may sometimes taste too strong. However, when both partners embrace and navigate these differences successfully, the marriage can evolve into a delicious and balanced soup – one you wouldn’t trade for anything.
More on the topic:
Wife from the Philippines (part 2) – Where to find a Filipino wife?
Wife from the Philippines (part 3) – Where to find a Filipino wife?
